So this weekend I went home and got to have some much needed quality time with my family and some friends from my hometown that I hadn't seen or caught up with in a while. When I got back to Baton Rouge, I helped a friend make some crafts for her little (eek! Mine is so amazing by the way!!) and we (by that I mean Katie baked and I licked the spoons and things) baked some delicious homade chocolate chip cookies and a few of the absolutely required Halloween cookies!
Someone asked me the other day what I was most afraid of, and I didn't have to think but a second to come up with the answer: failure. I am so incredibly scared of failing, at anything and everything, and sometimes that is my only motivation. I will take on things I shouldn't for fear of disappointing people. I will overload my schedule because if my calendar isn't full I feel like I'm being lazy and not living up to others' expectations (but mostly my own). I will stress myself out about the fact that I don't go out enough, even though I hate it, because I feel like I'm failing at being a "social college student." I will judge myself and my friends far too harshly based on this standard of perfection that no one will ever meet. It's absolutely crazy. And once I realized this I was instantly less stressed. Now don't get me wrong, next week I will probably forget again and have a mini panic attack about everything I have to do, but right now, I am striving to focus on the fact that it's okay to have a break some times. It's okay to postpone a goal because you know you have too much on your plate. It's okay to admit that there are some things you just aren't, and won't be, good at.
I follow Carly, The College Prepster, and today she did a post about always feeling like you have to be "on" all the time (click here to read it ). Always perfectly dressed, with perfect hair and makeup, and always perfectly nice. This makes so much sense to me, and I'm sure lots of people, because I never feel as confident, or as smart, or as ready to tackle anything, as when I know my outward appearance is perfect (or really really as close as I can get it). But the thing is, no one is perfect, and everyone has off days, and when we realize that about ourselves and other people we'll be so much better off (not to mention so much less stressed). So when you feel overwhelmed and want to scream, take a breath and remind yourself that, in time, everything that needs to get done will get done, and if it has to wait until tomorrow, so be it! Maybe you'll come up with a better idea or solution because you'll be better rested and more creative (see? Trying to think positive here). So stop being scared of messing up a little or leaving your house looking a little rough. Things will be okay. You will be okay. I promise.
All my love,