Monday, August 18, 2014

5 Ridiculous Reasons You Shouldn't Cyberstalk Your Crush


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I'm being ridiculous, I know, and I'm honestly kidding (mostly), but if I'm also being honest, this is generally what happens when I  spend way too much time on other people's social media and here are five reasons you really shouldn't do it...

1. It is 100% not helpful
You are going to do one of two things. A. You will end up crushing even harder because, seriously, how is he the only person to never have gone through an awkward phase? It's just not fair. Or B. You will really not like what you see, (I mean, I know it's 2009, but did he really think that was cute?), and it will just ruin the entire thing…but realistically, it's going to be A, and we all know it. He could've posted about Hitler being his idol and it still wouldn't ruin him, so get prepared. 


2. Anxiety = through the roof
The amount of care and precision that goes into not liking a photo from 7 years ago is unprecedented. If I had put that much effort into school, I'd be at Oxford right now, I just know it. 

3. You now know way too much
You really aren't supposed to know all about which teams he played for in little league or what foods were his favorite in 2007 because he posted about them once a week. It isn't healthy…and you can't recover from that if you accidentally reference it in conversation. #trustme 


4. Hours of time are lost to the blackhole that is his social media
It always starts by "just checking" to see what's he been up to, (even though you know nothing new will be there), and then all of a sudden it's an hour later and you're scrolling his 2008 timeline. Overanalyzing every shady status, looking up every band and movie he's ever mentioned, and checking out every girl he's ever been photographed with is a serious problem…very impressive spy work, but a serious problem nonetheless. 
5. You can't unsee any of it 
Yes, that baby photo of him his mom #tbt'd 7 years ago is great and all, but what isn't so great is the way that picture will pop into your head every time you see him from then on. Or the 8th grade graduation picture, no matter how awkwardly adorable it is. 

Social media stalking your crush is fun and everyone does it (#nojudgement), but you're really only making it worse for yourself. And you know it, so try to refrain…(I type as I log into Facebook). 

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Just for fun, I stalked myself, and found this gem. My oldest photo on Facebook. Check out that vintage timestamp and everything. Can I just say, I was a sophomore in high school…this is embarrassing…because I still look exactly like that. 

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