Tuesday, March 28, 2017

What I Would Tell My Single Self

A couple of weeks ago, I ran into an old crush while I was with Myles at a restaurant. It was such a weird experience, and one I keep thinking on because it felt so strange - like two separate lives merging together. It was nice to catch up, but it was like I was looking at two very different paths I could've taken, and while I wish nothing bad on the path I didn't take, it made me so, SO glad about the path I did take.
When I was younger, I fell in "love" quite easily. Oftentimes without even talking to someone, because I liked the way they looked, who they were friends with, or even their last name. I would put so much effort into accidentally running into them, doing anything they needed, and going so far out of my way to be what I thought they wanted. That led to lots of "talking" but no real relationship and plenty of self-esteem issues that made me constantly second guess whether I was good enough/smart enough/pretty enough/etc.. 
 
I look back now and I can just imagine Jesus saying "Sarah, slow down, I know what I've got planned for you, and it's so much better than this." But there I was saying, "No, no, I've got this! We'd be perfect together because of XYZ."
 
I had 3 criteria for people I would never date, and this should partly clue you into why things weren't working out. 
 
1. I would never date anyone who wore cowboy boots. 
2. I would never date anyone with a Cajun last name. (ex: Boudreaux)
3. I would never marry someone with a last name from M-Z because I wanted to be at the beginning of the alphabet. 
Can we just all laugh together? HA HA. 

Y'all, obviously I had other criteria, like funny, handsome, kind, hardworking, etc, but those were my absolute no's.

When I was on study abroad, I sort of let those things go and became so much more confident in who I am and realized that I was absolutely not going to settle, even if that meant being single forever. I put so much effort into building my friendships, and when I came home I started branching out into all of the things I'd always wanted to do but never made time for. I joined Student Government, went  out more with my friends and put boys totally on the back burner. A few months before I met Myles, my mom and I were in a shop with bow-ties and I mentioned how I thought they'd be such a good gift for a boyfriend. My mom joked that I should get one and just save it for when I started dating someone and I literally laughed out loud like "yeah, when that happens!"

Fast forward a few months and Myles and I met in a Student Government meeting and then just happened to work at the State Capitol together. We were friends for months before we started dating but even from the beginning we were so compatible and had so much fun together. 
 
I didn't realize how different our relationship is from all of the ones before until I ran into my old crush, but I am so thankful I did. I realized that before I never felt like an equal, I always felt like my crushes were so much cooler, smarter, and better. Myles never treated me that way, in fact it was quite the opposite. I always felt special, funny, beautiful, and valued (and still do everyday). I never had to second guess and I certainly didn't have to convince him why he should like me.
 
I think it's important to note at this point that Myles wears cowboy boots (and Chacos which is even worse!), has an S last name, and it's 100% unmistakenly Cajun. All of the things I had said I never to and now we live together. If that isn't hilarious and goes to show that our best laid plans never work out, then I can't help ya. 
 
  All of this to say, we never know what's coming. And most of the time, even when we lay our best plans, they're nowhere near as good as what God has planned for us anyway. I always say that God teaches us so much about His love for us through our relationships here on Earth and when I look at Myles and I's relationship I think that could not be more true. 
 
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isa. 55:9

None of this is to say that Myles is perfect, nor is our relationship. We have silly arguments like everyone else, and we work very hard to constantly listen to each other, grow together, and be the person we'd want to be in a relationship with. My life did not become perfect because I was in a relationship, and it never will.
 
What I'm saying is that sometimes a relationship seems like it'll never happen. It feels like you're never going to meet someone who you can be yourself with or can talk about anything with. Now that I've been on both sides, I feel like I would never go back, but I can also say that if I knew what was coming, I'd be so much more confident in myself and my standards, knowing that someone who would meet and exceed them was coming, so there was no need to settle. I would have spent so much more time investing in myself and my friendships instead of hoping every time I went out that I would meet someone and feeling like it was a waste if I didn't. And I'd honestly rather wait a million years than settle for something that's just not right, just for the sake of not being single.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6
 
 If I could tell my single self one thing it would be, "God knows what he is doing, you don't have to. And you don't have to control all of it either." As good as it is to be in a relationship, I will never get that single time back, and I wish I would have enjoyed it more, rather than wishing it away. There is a season for everything in life, so enjoy whatever season you're in and trust that God knows everything about you, your life, and his plan for it. He knows what you want, but also what's best for you, all in due time! 

 
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